Nerdzar

Another Halloween to Plan For

Being an OINK (one income, no kids), and a somewhat immature OINK at that, I always have the same daydream when fall rolls around. The daydeam is that I will get invited to a really cool Halloween party. Since I know only a few cool people--and since even fewer of them will admit to knowing me--this dream never comes true. For the past two years, I've attended a pay-to-get-in party held on the grounds of the local Renaissance Fair. Last year I went as the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Hundreds attended; dozens asked about my costume; but only one person I met there had heard of the FSM. The year before that, I went as Ignignokt and Err, the Mooninites. Five people recognized that costume, one person argued that I was a Lego-Man and another, who thought I was a Space Invader, was amazed that I was still alive. He could have sworn he had killed me and all my brothers back in the '70's.

Ever since last year, I'd been thinking about making a Brak costume. But that would require a lot of work and some sewing (which I'm not good at). And then again, how many people would recognize Brak (since I apparently live in an uncool and clueless town)? So I had another thought. Why not do something universal? Last year, when I was reading about haunted houses, I ran across one that featured a werewolf forest. It was in another state so I didn't go, but I thought it was a cool idea. A few days ago, I put that together with the lyrics from Warren Zevon's "Werewolves of London." Wouldn't it be cool to get a few werewolves and characters from the song (Lon Chaney, Queen, Lungless Jim) and go to a party?

Here are the lyrics:

Werewolves of London
~Warren Zevon

I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand
Walking through the streets of Soho in the rain
He was looking for a place called Lee Ho Fook's
Going to get himself a big dish of beef chow mein
Ah-oo, Werewolves of London

If you hear him howling around your kitchen door
Better not let him in
Little old lady got mutilated late last night
Werewolves of London again
Ah-oo, Werewolves of London

He's the hairy-handed gent who ran amuck in Kent
Lately he's been overheard in Mayfair
Better stay away from him
He'll rip your lungs out, Jim
I'd like to meet his tailor
Ah-oo, Werewolves of London

Well, I saw Lon Chaney walking with the Queen
Doing the Werewolves of London
I saw Lon Chaney, Jr. walking with the Queen
Doing the Werewolves of London
I saw a werewolf drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic's
And his hair was perfect
Ah-oo, Werewolves of London
Draw blood


So I figure, it would take a minimum of eight people to do this up right.

1. Werewolf with Chinese restaurant menu
2. Little old lady (mutilated)
3. Jim (with removable lungs)
4. Tailor
5. Lon Chaney
6. Queen
7. Lon Chaney,Jr.
Werewolf with Pina Coloda (same actor as # 1?)
8. Nurse or Doctor with bloody syringe (Draw Blood!)
9. Extra werewolves are always good

posted by Nerdzar @ 4:25 PM 0 comments

How to make a Flying Spaghetti Monster

It was late September, 2005, when I first heard about His noodly majesty. For anyone who still hasn't heard the story, see http://www.venganza.org.



Now on with the How-to

Tools required
Safety glasses
Wire cutters
Needle-nose pliers
Drill
3/32th drill bit
Staple gun
Masking tape
Yard stick or measuring tape
Scissors



Supplies
White bicycle helmet ($8 from Big Lots)
50-75' of aquarium airline tubing ($7 at WalMart)
Spool of 14 gauge solid wire ($9 at Tractor Supply Co.--electric fence wire would work too).
Bubble Eyes 30mm size ($.33 at Hobby Lobby)
Can of beige spray paint ($2 at Hobby Lobby--on sale, whoopee!)
Can of reddish-brown spray paint ($4 at Hobby Lobby)
2 miniature wooden bowls 1.5" diameter ($3 at Hobby Lobby)
Vaseline
Masking tape
2 small pieces of velcro
2 pieces of junk scrap plywood 12" x 6"
Aluminum foil

Here we go!

Cut the airline tubing into 36" sections (I used 24 pieces).
Now staple one end of each strand to a piece of plywood.



Staple the other end of each strand to the other piece of plywood.
Paint all the strands beige and allow 15 minutes drying time.
Now flip the whole thing over and paint the other side of the strands.
Don't worry if a bit of the clear tubing shows through on the side--you'll
do touch up painting after attaching the strands to the helmet.
When the second side has dried, use scissors to cut all strands free from both ends.

Dip the tip of the wire (about three inches) into the jar of vaseline. Insert the wire into a strand of aquarium tubing. Stop pushing four inches before the wire would exit the tubing (that way, you'll get flimsy noodles that won't poke anyone's eye out). At the other end (insertion end), cut the wire with three inches protruding from the tubing (the protruding wire will be used to attach the noodle to the helmet). Set this noodle aside and insert the wires for all the other noodles.

Use masking tape to mask the black part of the helmet (because no matter how much beige paint you use the black part will still look dark--so you might as well mask it and remove the tape later). Paint the helmet beige. Two coats should be sufficient--assuming you started with a white helmet as instructed. You do follow instructions, don't you?



Paint the miniature bowls beige. Wad up a few pieces of aluminum foil (meatballs) and paint them reddish brown. Later--when they're dry and you've finished the costume-- teach yourself to juggle. I also found two 10" long one-inch diameter hose pieces that I could use for eye-stalks. If you aren't so lucky, you can use some leftover airline tubing.



Cut a strand of wire about 12" long. Use needle-nose pliers to twist one end of one wire into a rough approximation of a ball. Tear off two 14" lengths of aluminum foil. Crumple both sheets at once around the ball-end of the wire, making a meatball lollipop--which, incidentally, would be a good name for a rock band. Repeat these steps to make a second meatball lollipop. Paint the meatball lollipops the appropriate color (hint: it's not beige!).



Count your noodles. If you have 24 noodles, you will need to drill 24 noodle holes in the helmet. Space them evenly across the back, top, and sides. AVOID drilling holes in the front because that would look ugly (you'll see what I mean later). The noodles are long enough that you can shape them to cover the front. Think noodle combover!

Insert the exposed-wire end of a noodle into one of the holes you drilled in the helmet.Use needle-nose pliers to make a small loop inside the helmet. Using the pliers, shove the loop back into the styrofoam. Confession: although this worked adequately, I did experience some slippage and felt some of the wire loops rubbing against my noggin after a few minutes of wearing the helmet. If you can devise a better attachment method, more noodly power to you!





Attach all the spaghetti strands and then you can begin to artistically shape them--think tangley. Drill a hole through the center of a miniature bowl. Repeat on a second bowl. Cut a 26" section of wire and bend it into a "U" shape. Stick the pointed ends out of left and right ventilation holes in top of the helmet (the result will remind you of horns). Slide one piece of eyestalk tubing onto one protruding wire, then poke the wire through the bottom of a pre-drilled miniature bowl. Use needle-nose pliers to twist the wire into a spiral--this will hold everything in place. Repeat these steps for the second eyestalk.



Now is the time to touch up the noodles. Examine the helmet from all sizes and spray any area they isn't already sufficiently beige. Be careful; if you over-spray, you will make paint drips on the helmet.

Cut a velcro disk in half and glue it into the the bottom of a miniature bowl. Glue a velcro disk to the back of a bubble-eye. Attach the eye and repeat these steps for the second eye.



Peel the masking tape off the bottom of the helmet. Drill a hole near the helmet's temple on each side. Insert a meatball lollipop in each temple. Instead of doing the loop thing, run the end of the wire laterally inside the helmet and then poke the sharp end into the styrofoam: there will be no danger of a meatball falling out.

posted by Nerdzar @ 5:33 PM 0 comments

The Flying Spaghetti Monster

The Flying Spaghetti Monster is in town--just in time for Halloween!

Coming soon: tips on how to make your own FSM. 

posted by Nerdzar @ 5:29 PM 0 comments